Saturday, January 7, 2012

Thursday, January 5, 2012

19 Weeks and Counting!

Tomorrow I will hit the 19 week mark and will also be going in for the "Big Appointment." I'm excited to find out what the sexes of the babies are, but more importantly, we will hopefully find out that they are developing correctly and are healthy. I've thought all along that they are a boy and girl, but recently I've been getting vibes that they are both girls. For instance, I was at Target with my husband, and I saw a cute lamp and almost said out loud: "Oh, that will be cute for the girl's room." Marc has said the same thing to me, that he thinks they are both girls. It wouldn't surprise me if they were both girls, since his dad has cursed all the Mattsson boys with having far there are only two boys out of eight grandkids. I really don't care either way, I think both boys or girls, or both boy and girl will be exciting and fun in there own unique ways. I'm just hoping they cooperate, so we know 100% what sexes they are, and I can start buying baby crap.

At 15 weeks, the nausea had finally worn off. Now my source of daily comfort and knowing they are okay, is feeling them move! (much better feeling than ralphing all the time.) The kicking started off real faint around 15 weeks, like a muscle twitch, or bubbles. Now it's slowly starting to feel stronger. Baby A is on top, just under my belly button, and is the most active. That's why I think it might be a boy. Baby B is on the bottom and a little more mellow, and at my 15 week appointment, the Dr. thought it looked like a girl but it was still too early to tell. I love laying in bed in the morning, waiting between alarm clock sounds, and feeling them move. It's like they are saying good morning to me. Marc still can't feel them and they alway stop kicking when I grab his hand to feel my belly. Oh, I wish he could feel them! We have had some fun with listening to them with a stethoscope...I have one from school. I only hear sloshing and tapping sounds like they are moving...can't pick up their heartbeats with it though.

I am feeling calmer at this point in the pregnancy, but I still have the worry in the back of my mind that something could go wrong, even though at this point everything is probably okay. It's hard hearing when others have had miscarriages or when I watch those TLC programs on TV, and see laboring mothers or when the baby's born not breathing...Ugh! I have to change the channel. There is also the guilt factor of "Why me? Why did I get pregnant, while my friends in my support group are still awaiting their miracle?" I still pray for them. I did finally get off of celexa, and I'm doing better than I expected. Which is good, cause I don't want to be on that, being pregnant, or breast feeding. And despite some of the stressors of being pregnant after infertility, I think I'm managing well for myself.

I will also say that it's finally sinking in that I'm actually pregnant. The first 4 months, I was so paranoid about loosing them again to miscarriage, and I think I was in a state of denial. I even avoided reading the baby books for a while. Now, it's sunk in that I'm going to have to start looking into childcare, find a pediatric physician, Lamaze classes, breast feeding classes... how I'm going to balance breast feeding/pumping with my busy schedule at work? How will we adjust to the changes to our budget with twins? Ah! Where to start? I feel like a deer paralyzed in the headlights. We do at least have an appointment tomorrow in the afternoon with a daycare. You would think I would know all the questions to ask, given that my mom owns a daycare back home in Sacramento, but I don't. Luckily she e-mailed me a list of things to ask. I've forgotten all those things already. I've also gotten some good recommendations for pediatric doctors I'm slowly starting to prepare myself for all this.

I've been trying to take care of myself too. I've been, swimming, elliptical, walking...taking it easy at the same time. I'm going to try to take advantage of my me time while I feel good. I know I'm going to have to start taking it easy soon enough. Just from talking to friends who've had multiples, around the 30 week mark is when things will start to get uncomfortable. I saw an episode on MTV True Life of two couples who were expecting twins. Both ladies looked huge!!! I was in shock, and in more shock thinking that's going to be me in a few months! Ahhh! I feel like I already look about 6 months pregnant, though I'm almost 5 months. But bring it on, baby! Fat belly, heavy breathing, waddling and all! I told Marc he's going to have to help me with grocery shopping to help push the cart around. But poor guy's got two herniated discs in his back and is probably going to need surgery soon. So both of us are going to be waddling around like gimps. We'll have to call up his parents or people at church to come and help if we need. I won't hesitate asking for help either. I'll have to update again sooner this time. Especially after tomorrow's appointment. Wish us luck!